I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
