I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
