I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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