Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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