i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
