I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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