Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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