worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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