I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
