Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We need to rekindle our bromance
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
