Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
