Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
