I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
