My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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