just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
