everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
