my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
