My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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