I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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