I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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