note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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