Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
