I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
