i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
