R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
