I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
