Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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