Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
