he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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