I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
