just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
