I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
