sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
