I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
