i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
