hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
