i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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