i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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