Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
