My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
