So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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