i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
