I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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