Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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