I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just google imaged poop.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
