remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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