Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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