I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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