Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
