She went from zero to smokin in five shots
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
