Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
