I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
