finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
